singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
