call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
