before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
