i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
