fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
