Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
