Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
