my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
