his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize