I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
