I want you more than these girls want KFC
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
