wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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