All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
