you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Randomize