so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
