Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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