Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
