i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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