Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
