Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
