he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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