Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
