you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize