Whod you bang
He is an equal opportunity slut.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
