I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
