I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
