Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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