walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
