i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
