His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
