that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
