hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
