have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
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