i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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