Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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