Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
