can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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