do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You're like the curious george of whores
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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