haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
