My nipple is on Facebook.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So vagazzling was a success
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
