PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
