WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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