Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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