Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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