K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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