Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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