i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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