The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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