Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
