im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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