ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize