I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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