I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
