There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
