ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
