so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
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