Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
