saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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