Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize