why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
