Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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