There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize