I'm really into asian looking animals
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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