We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
