careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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