Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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