Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
