So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
