what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
