So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Randomize
