Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
