And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
