I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I'm really busy with my period
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
