I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
