I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
