I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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