I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
