So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
