Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
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