Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize