I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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