My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize