Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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