Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
