after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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