Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
