we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
