My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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