Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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